Clara

So, blogging hasn't been at the top of the list as of late and it really does bother me. I keep telling myself I'm going to get "caught up" which is the problem. I need to just chip away at it, so here goes chipping. I'm just going to give a little update on Clara, next Everett. Then hopefully some pics and such.

My little sweet darling has been a mommy's girl as of late. Boy does that make my heart so happy. She always trades between Andre and I and I feel like he has longer stretches than I ever get, but this one is lasting and I'm loving it. If you're "#1" in her book you get to cuddle before bed, read the books, watch the vidoes, and have endless chats since she prolongs bedtime and that's when all the good details come out that she never, EVER shares during the day. You get all the pictures she draws in school, drawn with you in them and for you, she wants to show me all her moves, tricks and magic. She always picks the number one parent to play first, asks you to do everything with her and gives you the most hugs and kisses. I try so hard to leave the house, dishes, laundry and make time to sit and play and I think that's helped. I'm always busy with all the tasks and I know I need to make more time to sit/play and it makes a big difference. I'm sure Andre being busy out in the lawn for weeks has had something to do with it. It's usually me who is doing tasks and less present and since he's busy I'm more present and I'm glad I'm sometimes forced into it because it's so hard to find the time to make it all work while stopping and playing. I lay in bed at night when I know I did more tasks than play and I have such anxiety and guilt. I know this is my one shot, before I know it she'll want to be with her friends 24/7 and I'll be pushed aside wishing I could hear the "Mommy, watch this!" all day long.

She is still a great eater. I can't say she has a huge pallet but she will always try anything put in front of her once. I don't have time to cook dinners and change things up so we have our go to meals, I'm sure she'd eat MUCH more if I did a better job. She is tall and long and she has lost ALL of her little toddler self. She is a kid, I'm not fond of it even though she is adorable. She sleeps well when she doesn't have bad dreams. When she does she calls for me, she still will not get out of bed, ever, for anything. She is afraid. She still wears a pull up because she won't get up and pee. She is a great sleeper so I'm not messing with it and waking her up to try and go, she has trouble falling back to sleep after being woken up. She LOVES to cuddle and she wasn't much of a cuddler before, it feels so good! She loves to tangle herself in our bodies when we cuddle at night and it's the best feeling in the world. Knock on all pieces of wood on the planet, she hasn't been sick much. However, she did wake at three am last week and puke in her bed. She kept throwing up for a few hours. She is SUCH a good puker which is great and not great. Great because she doesn't cry. She handles it SO well. I remember hating puking and I still do. So, I'm thankful now that she is a champ about but I'm also scared for the future. I feel like if you don't have a problem with puking that might not mix like a parent would hope with her 21st bday. If you hate puking, you avoid drinking too much, or at least try and contain yourself. I'm just hoping she never has a drop, let alone enough to puke. Another fear is she can make herself burp big on command and she chugs like her Aunt Ana so I'm a bit concerned for her future. I'm going to stop right there and just make sure she lives a dry life, that's the plan! Back to my point, cuddling. When she doesn't feel well, she cuddles so close and won't let go and it's on of my most favorite happy places to be!

Clara is the best big sister on the planet. She loves her bubby so deep and is his cheerleader and teacher each day. I think they get along so well because he shares everything and she gets what she wants from him because he either doesn't care or he doesn't get how much she's manipulating him. He'd give her anything and do anything for her, so that helps. It's clearly not a typical sibling relationship, because of Everett's delays and because of his amazing heart and it makes mothering them easy. Don't get me wrong, they do get upset with one another and he squeezes her arms tight, super tight squeezing pinch and she takes it like a champ and asks him to stop of if she's also upset yells "No no bubby" and then he squeeze herder. I explain that's his voice and he's not allowed to do it but she's so tolerant. She rubs his back when he's sick, she holds his hand in the car and she holds his hand tight and tells him stories when he's sad at the doctor. She helps take off his shoes when we get home because he hates doing it. The MOMENT she hears him cry she runs to fix it and she can, every time. She doesn't want his slobbery kisses on her face but they hug so tight and mean it. They are playful and laugh and laugh and their relationship makes my heart the happiest. She gets how lucky she is, she asks about Down syndrome and pays attention. During therapy she's playing on her own but she hears everything and when she applies what we work on in therapy at home and at school when I didn't even realize she was listening. She is very in tune with her brother and his needs, they are the best.

She still would rather not go to school. I haven't decided if it's because she misses mommy and daddy or if she's not yet had the atmosphere that she enjoys and challenges her. She goes to Kindergarten during nap time and she loves it. Again, I'm not sure if it's because she may feel challenged or she just likes the atmosphere, but I'm glad she jumped right in. She and I are not the same 5 year old. I don't think I would have jumped into a new classroom. One day I told her she was going to go to a Kindergarten class instead of nap time. She said okay. She went, and now has another class of friends. I know she's apprehensive but she will do things even when she is a bit hesitant. It makes me so proud of her. She's not one to want to leave the house, to even go outside, but once we leave she's good. She seems to be happy in school and has friends and plays but she's not been excited to go since the first day of school last year. There was a lot of hype about going to school and I feel she is unimpressed. She is kind to her classmates and gets great remarks and is doing really well. She is reading more sight words in Kindergarten than the average expected number of words. She is adding and subtracting in the 1,000 and daddy's working on regrouping. She can read beginner books with no help. Writing is no fun and the OT department has been a struggle so we work on it as much as possible but she's never been one to color, draw, write, etc. She likes things being done for her. She doesn't have the need to be independent when it comes to self-care or crafts. She wants the craft but she wants me to do the whole thing. She does LOVE control, but saves it for playing. She wants to make all the rules and she is very VERY competitive so the rules are constantly changing in her favor. She is a bossy pants and will tell her friends if they don't do it her way then she won't play. I've talked with her about taking turns with rules and letting someone else take the lead once in a while but she doesn't hear a word of it. I think it's one of those things that will happen naturally, when she loses friends because she is a control freak then she'll likely change, I hope, she is very stubborn. She is very convincing so others tend to easily follow her ways and requests. She is usually even very nice about it and manipulative, kind of scary. The girl knows how to get her way. I like that she is a leader and not a follower, in the grand scheme, so although I wish she'd play more kind, I'm hoping her personality is one that has no problem standing up for herself and telling others no when she's older and we're not talking about the rules to the games she is making up but saying no to bad choices others pressure her to make and I certainly hope she'll never pressure others to do the wrong thing. She follows the rules and knows our expectations, she is great about asking before doing. Sometimes she plays with the neighbor girl Katie and she is a few years older than Clara. I can see Clara get lax with our rules when Katie is around and gets caught up thinking she can go to her house without asking, cross the street without asking, I'm normally RIGHT there but the two times I haven't been she has taken it upon herself to do what Katie is allowed to do so we sat down and wrote out rules for outdoor play, and play with friends. I have to give reminders of our rules, she gets caught up in play and forgets. Her tone of voice is less than appealing at times. I'll let it slide for a minute to see if she can turn her mood around. If she cannot, I have to lay down the law and she cries when I don't tolerate it. I take things away that she likes and she quickly changes her tune.

Art has taken a back seat, she was drawing and coloring non-stop a few months back and now she is back into more games and make-believe. She loves gymnastics, dancing, catching amphibians, stickers (but doesn't use them, saves them all), treats (cookies, cupcakes, cake, suckers), baking with mama - usually banana bread, she enjoys her violin practice on Tuesdays, plays hard during Everett's therapy sessions, and is always asking everyone to come to the parties she has planned out in her bedroom. She likes to play "I spy" in the car, or practice fact/opinion (so random), she'll have me count by 3's, or 4's, all the way until I cannot do the math mentally (daddy lasts longer at these games), she will become obsessed with a topic, recently smoking. I have an app on my phone called brainpop, it's short educational videos for kids I have through school. This is usually where her random obsessions come from. With smoking being the most recent, after she watches the video, she asks a billion questions about the topic. She wants to know what happens to people who smoke and she wants me to tell the details again and again. She is very intrigued and points out every person she sees smoking. She has gone on these obsessive topics with ocean life, planets, harmful fish and non harmful fish, lice, the food chain, homeless, germs, the list is endless. She'll want to talk about the topic all the time until she moves on to something else. So, I'll try and talk to her about her day and she never tells me anything, but she'll remind me the topic she wants to talk about and she'll ask me to repeat the details until I'm blue in the face. She remembers random details from stories Grandpa tells her. Her memory of the past is crazy. Things only have to be said or happen once and she won't forget it. She has always been this way. We learned quick not to say something unless it's really going to happen because she'll remember. More things she loves, her friends. She has a friend in her class, Thomas, his mom is on my team so she teaches third grade with me. Our classrooms are right down the hall and they play in the morning and afternoon each day almost. We rush out a lot faster bc of therapy but when we have time they have so much fun together. He is a very very sweet boy so they are a great yin and yang since she likes to rule the roost and he's very go with the flow. He is the reason I know she doesn't tell me anything, because after school he is an open book about the day. You don't even have to ask. Clara will say nothing about her day, once in a great while I'll get little tid bits. Usually about who she played with. She is friends with kids in her class and gravitates towards one in particular at a time, I'm not sure why or how it switches but she'll be talking about playing with one and then another, calling each one her bff during that span of time. Kind of like she trades favorites with Andre and I. Maybe she moves on knowing one can only handle so much bossing around. She loves stuffed animals and dolls which is new. She has NEVER been into dolls, I almost ditched them but then Everett started playing with them here and there so I kept them and lately she has kept her "Honey" with her everywhere. Nunu has taken a bit of a back seat, it's probably because we don't allow her to leave the house anymore because she leaves her places. She is allowed to take other, not so sentimental things out of the house so I think poor Nunu must miss her. She still has her her most of the time. Sometimes she'll forget to take her to bed and I'll sneak her in after she falls asleep or she'll wake up looking for her. Clara is always on the go, never sitting. Never resting. If a movie is on, she'll sit and watch for a little and then play a little then watch a little and so on. This girl has a busy body and a busy mind.

I'm so proud of who she is and her strong personality. As hard as a strong personality can make life I love how strong she is, I can't wait to see how she channels her ambition and strength. I love her brains and her heart. I love her humor, she tells jokes that she thinks have a punch line but they don't and she laughs so hard at herself. She is dramatic and moody and sometimes I wish she was easier but then I realize it wouldn't be her and I do my best to accept her as she is, even through our rough patches. She is either going to lead the world or the prison cell gang, hopefully the world. As exhausting as our days are, the moment I close the door to her bedroom I miss her. I hate dropping her off for class, she always wants me to stay and I wish I could. I would spend every waking moment with my babies, even when I feel like I might go insane. I hate how fast life is going and I hate how fast they are growing. I hate that she acts like a big girl and not a little one. She started calling me mom in the last two weeks, I cannot remember if I wrote that above, this was a three day blog and I'm not going to go up and look to see if I said it bc my eyes hurt and it's late. I don't want to be mom, I want to be mama or mommy. Once in a while she'll slide back so I'm not mom forever yet. I didn't think mom came so soon, I thought that was like waaaayyyyy later. :( I love you Clara Maria Feger, you are my heart!