20 months

Clara Beara, or "Bear" as dada calls you. Happy 20 months my love!

Dada made me a dress!

Practicing, driving with candy.

Not the best braid, my subject moves too much!

You are miss independent, for the most part. You're still cautious and sometimes like us to help you, not often though. You always know what you want, how you want it, and we don't tell you otherwise! You have no problem telling anyone, "no" when you don't want something. Your babble is gone, you only talk now. Your vocabulary is so huge I can't count your words or even begin to list the phrases you say. You repeat everything and speak very clear, for the most part. You're very sweet, giving lots of kisses, hugs, and say, "Awe, sweet" when you hold something new and hug it, or see a baby. If you hear a baby cry you say, "Awe, poor baby, it's okay". I can't wait to see you with your baby brother, you'll be such a great big sister.

Your sleeping habits have changed. You go to bed around 7 still (often times having a hard time falling asleep, never crying, just tossing and turning) but since I've had Everett you're up at 6, sometimes even before. What the heck?! You used to sleep anywhere from 6:45  to 8. Today was 5:45. The good news is you will sit in your crib and play. The bad news is, once I hear you up, I'm up anyway. I've been needing to get up at 6 (normal work time) to get to the hospital early anyway, but it's not as easy getting ready. You know I'm leaving and want me to "Come walk" with you which means you want me to come hang out and then once I'm near you, where you want me, I don't exist. You really don't want to play with me, you just like me there. Trust me, I like being there too but I don't always have the time. :/

Your eating habits have changed. You haven't eaten much at all over the last three weeks. This drives me crazy. You used to eat anything and everything and SO much of it all. Now you're getting quite picky. When I warm something up, even if it's pizza, your favorite, you say, "hot" when it's not and then you'll refuse to eat it, even after it is cold. I try and tell you it's warm and I take a bite so you see it's not hot, and you basically freak and lose it and I get the "No, no, no" with the arm wave of get that the heck away from me. So, we're working on, "No, thank you." You'll sometimes just say, "All done," although you never started eating. You drink lots of milk and my "go to" is a smoothie when you won't eat. You will always drink a smoothie. Your smoothie's consist of spinach, whatever pouch you haven't finished, prunes, avocado, mango, banana and yogurt. I can put almost anything in a smoothie and you'll drink it. You've almost been on a liquid diet the last few days you've been so fussy. Pouches you used to LOVE, you taste, and then won't eat.  Mama's not diggin your eating habits. Bonnie keeps reminding me you'll be fine. You'll eat when your hungry. I can see myself telling that to someone else, knowing it's true. For some reason I can't do it myself.

You love to play with your tea set Siobhan and family sent you, in the pool, in the tub, anywhere. You love your doll house but get frustrated at some of the parts, like when you can't get the dada to sit in the chair on your own, or when you take the baby's highchair apart and then can't put it back together. You're easily frustrated at times. When I hear it start, I say, "Do you need help?" and you'll say, "Help." Sometimes I can do what you want and you're satisfied, other times I make it worse. See the video!! Sometimes you'll ask for help before you get frustrated. You love to be outside and play in the pool. It's been hard for me since I have a stupid rash since I've given birth to Everett and the heat makes it worse. The medicine I have dries up my milk so I'm not taking it, I've tried EVERYTHING CVS has to offer and nothing helps. Needless to say, I can't take you outside as often as I'd like when I'm with you in the afternoon. In the evening we do go "in" the pool, since I can't submerge myself in anything for 6 weeks we sit on the top step and play, thankfully you love this.

Your vocabulary grows so much dada and I have slacked on reading with you, we both decided to get back at it as part of our daily routine. When I asked you if you wanted to read you said, "Guppies" which you've watched too much of at the end of my pregnancy. So, we read instead and you loved it just as much. You learned three new words in one book and when we went back to that book 20 minutes later you had them down. You do retain A TON from watching TV. You've always zoned into the TV, before you were talking I didn't know if you were actually learning or just staring at the colors. You learn a lot from Guppies and Dora. You answer the questions they ask, accurately. It amazes me. When they ask do we go, "Right to the forest" or Left to the bank" you know where they're supposed to be going and say the correct answer. When they count you count too. When they ask the shapes, sizes, etc you interact and I know you're learning. I just don't want you to watch "too much" TV, whatever that magic number is. You know colors, shapes, counting, animals, what animals say, what animals do, you get big vs. small, on/off, open/close, and so much more. The things that you have down pat now I'm begging daddy to teach you in Spanish. He's talking to you a lot more in Spanish and teaching you new words all the time. Your memory amazes me, I wish I could retain at your rate!

You've done so good with having someone else come watch you regularly since I'm constantly leaving you with someone new. It's clear you love to go to see Doe, Michael, and Daisy as part of your routine. "Bon Bon" or Bonnie plays with you non-stop when you're here and she has so much energy she tires you out for a long nap you'll never take for me!! You're now saying "Bon Bon" when she's not around. Kate and Kingston have come over to play and you let us leave without a worry. You're such a good girl and so resilient, thank you!! An even bigger thank you to everyone helping watch Clara for us, the amount of offers is endless. Kristin (my sister) will be back down here next week, we can't wait! It gives me such relief knowing she is coming back. I feel very selfish taking her away from her family and our grandpa up north, but she had planned on coming anyway...before things got hard, I tell myself that so I feel better. Soon, when Everett can eat, I'm going to need to be there all the time, or every three hours for his feeding. Clearly I won't always be able to be there, but the more often I am the better he will get at eating and the sooner he will come home. So, if I've not yet called on you to watch Clara, this week might be the week. I have such a hard time leaving her too, I'd give anything to have both my babies home with me where they belong.

Clara has defied me two times, or should I say ignored me. I think she is testing me. She is such a good girl and such a great listener it's so hard to reprimand her. When I first came home from the hospital she was pulling on the tubes of my pump while I was pumping and turning the speed up, (outch!) I asked her to stop and she didn't. Then the other day she did it again, thankfully while I wasn't pumping, she wasn't harming them, just playing with them trying to put the ends together. I just don't want her in the habit of playing with them so I asked her to stop. She ignored me. So I went over and took her away from it and explained that some things aren't for her, shocker, I know! She screamed to the high heavens, something she doesn't usually do. Ear piercing scream. I asked her to stop and told her if she didn't she'd have to go to bed. I gave her some time, the screaming continued. So I took her to her crib. Let her cry until she stopped, maybe five minutes, went in and told her when she is told "no" she can't throw a fit, I said, "Okay?" She said, "Okay." Life went on. She is so sensitive though, telling her "no" is the end of the world. She hates to be told she is doing something wrong. I say she's like her aunt Ana, but Ana and I are very much alike! ;) I know she understands me. When we're out at the pool and I need to run inside to get something I set her out and tell her she can't move until I come back and she doesn't budge. I know she knows how to listen well... I don't know at what age you start to do "time outs" but with all the changes taking place in her life I know things are "off" for her, as they are for all of us. I don't want to push her too hard when maybe she just needs me, a nap, a hug, or needs more of my attention and love since I've not only been gone more physically, but mentally. She has seen me cry, two times, and I can see the fear in her and I get myself together ASAP but crying or not I know she knows something is wrong, thankfully things have been more positive over the last several days. I try and stay strong for her but I know even when parents fake it, kids sense things.

Clara has brought Andre and I so much extra joy in the last three weeks and 2 days, without her we wouldn't be where we are as a family. She makes us laugh all day and night. She is so sweet and loving, always giving hugs, kisses and telling "I love yous". Even when she is a "pest" dada calls her, we both long to be with her when she is in bed, or we're not at home. She has been the distraction we need, other than when we need a nap ;). I'm so proud of my 20 month old. I love you with everything I've got my sweet pea!

A few videos, more soon with pics too.

Here is "toddlerville" at it's prime. We go from happy playing to melt down, so fast!