The Feger Family est. 2012: First week in the new digs

The first day coming home from work was so weird. Clara cried when we pulled in saying she wanted to go to our "other home". I lost it. I didn't want to be here either. I told her I knew, she was in a mood, by the time Andre got home she said she loved her new home. I still felt the same. It feels like I'm vacationing in someone else's place. We're trying to unpack, the place is only a few hundred square feet smaller than our last house but the storage here sucks. We have too much shit. We had deep closets and SO much storage in our last home I ended up in a panic when unpacking. It's so overwhelming. If I could pick one word to define my life in the last year it's OVERWHELMING. Some days I feel I can barely stay afloat. I know we made the right decision in moving, it's going to help in the long run. I've decided to job share with Lisa next year. This woman saves my life in so many ways. I can't even begin to describe what she does for my family and me. I'm not positive what that will look like but I think it will be half days for us both, teaching two subjects each. It's good that we moved since we'll now be broke again. We were looking forward to moving in here and "catching up" meaning getting ahead and saving better, paying of student loans, etc. I'm hoping we can make it a year on half of my salary which will be even less since I'll have to pay more for insurance too. I need to be with my kids though. We have gone through so many imbecile babysitters it's maddening. Then I thought we found "the one" and she committed to us, it seemed like it was going to be perfect and she quit, before starting, the week we moved. WHO DOES THAT!?!?!? She knew the stress we were under, she took the job so I let my other girl go and then she quit. So not only are we moving, but I have no sitter for my kids, we are in test prep mode in school with state testing coming so taking a day off (that I don't have or get paid for) is not easy, I also get subpoenaed to go to court for a custody battle one of my kids is going through which is one of the days we're state testing, I also get a student who doesn't speak ONE word of English who will have to test in two weeks and takes so much time away from what I need to be doing, bless this little girl's heart but I am already SO overwhelmed with life it was ONE HELL of a week that I was glad to make it through. Doe and Michael helped us out with the kids, thank God. When they're there I can do my job without thinking or worrying. When we have other strangers in our home with them I'm always thinking about them and what's going on, during my breaks I'm checking in, watching the cameras and not liking what I see. One lady that watched them this week left Everett in his crib for an hour after his two hour nap because he was happy. You could seriously almost never tend to that baby he is so happy and content but it doesn't mean you should?!?!?!?! He was so hungry when I finally snatched him away from her, I was so mad. Thankfully by the end of the week we found that Molly, Jeff's daughter (Andre's partner) was able to help us out and will hopefully for next week too. I'm back on care.com and we should be interviewing people this weekend. I'm just so sick of leaving my babies with people I don't trust, it's seriously the worst feeling in the entire world.

We had Everett's OT consult this week. He didn't do so hot. Everyone, EVERYONE, told me he didn't need OT until he was one because it overlapped with PT. Bull shit. I knew he was behind with grabbing and a few other things and reached out to the private group on Facebook I'm on with other parents of Down syndrome kids. The majority of them said they had all three services since they were born, so that's why I made the appointment. He'll be going to OT now each week along with PT and then soon we'll be adding speech to that as well. Minimum we'll have three therapies to go to weekly. I know this is going to be a lot since I have to race out of work a tad early to get home, pack up the kids and rush to downtown St Pete for the therapy. It's not fair for Clara to have to be dragged every time. She is typically good. She was hungry and tired during the OT consult so that was a disaster. Sometimes I wonder how I will do it all. So, that's why taking next year to job share will hopefully save me. I want to provide care for Clara so she doesn't have to be dragged along with us to therapy. I also want to get her into dance/soccer, something fun for her. I feel like I'm failing at everything most days. I want to give both my kids more attention, I want to do everything better, I want to keep my house up, get more done for school, blog, maybe workout and get in shape but can't seem to accomplish anything. I'm looking very forward to getting settled and hopefully having more time. There have been so many big changes in one year, so many "unexpecteds". I bought myself a neclace which has some tree that I should remember the name of that is a symbol that there is beauty in the unexpected since it blossoms something rare. I believe there is, I believe that is true. I know life is good and I'm so lucky for all I have, I hate when I get down and throw myself pitty parties but sometimes I can't help it. Thankfully they are just moments and they don't last long. I'm also thankful I have Andre who can pick me up and remind me of what I should focus on. I'm looking forward to this summer and life not being overwhelming anymore. I can't wait to spend more time with my babies, time is going too fast and I want to slow it down.

We were really excited today. We went for a walk and through the woods near our home there is a small park, perfect for Clara to play. We live amongst an equestrain neighborhood so we see horses on the paths we go for walks on, it's really neat. It was so special to find a park that was dead since it's by a baseball field that wasn't being used we can go to regularly. On the way home I spotted a hole in the wall bar that Andre and I can stumble home from once we get settled and make time for each other. Two great finds. A really great day. Pictures of the new place soon!

Little man is holding his own bottles now. Crazy!