The Good Stuff...

Everett, I've focused so much on what's going on with you I've neglected to inform you and others about how amazing you are and what you're up to these days.

You are active!! You're a mover and a shaker just like Clara was and still is! When you're not sleeping you're moving and you don't hold still much. Wiggle worm! You're so strong. You're holding your head great now. I can sit you up and you've got control for quite some time. Some tries are better than others but you do great the majority of the time. When you're laying on my legs you push against by belly and could easily push yourself onto the floor with your strength.

We all know your eating habits, you're working so hard! You LOVE to sleep at night. I hope that continues when we get home.I PROMISE I'll let you sleep here!!! You're awake for a lot of the day now. When you're awake you have those bright eyes looking all around. You're very social and are starting to coo a lot! Your noises melt my heart. We're starting to have our first conversations!! We've been conversing with our eyes. You make eye contact very well and I say things in my head when we're focused on one another, and you tell me things silently too. Our bond is strong. You smile. Mostly when you're gassy but here and there I catch a real one. You don't usually mind tummy time. Eating has taken so much out of you we haven't pushed it too much.

You love to be held. Once you got out of that horrible insulet and realized that babies are supposed to be in arms you have voiced that that's the place for you! This will work out well for us, since I never want to put you down. I brought in two slings to show your physical therapists so when you come home I can carry you with me and still have two hands to play with your sister. We're going to see which one will work best for you!

You're a very calm baby. Not in the sense where you hold still, clearly, but you're trusting and easily calmed. I don't know how, after all you've been through. You're resilient. I'm always so afraid when we push you that you'll give up. You may slow down, so we receive your messages, but you never give up completely. You're always eager to try things again, especially eating, even when you've had so many bad experiences. You know you have to keep those cute rolls or you may lose one of your nurse girlfriends!

You're a fighter. I'm so proud of you. I never imagined being able to be so proud of a 6 week old. You've accomplished so much in your life already. Most babies go home and chill out with their families. You've got so much to brag about in your first 6 weeks of life, you're already well beyond your months! ;)

You're SMART! You learn things fast and you communicate your thoughts and feelings well. When something isn't right, you speak up. I listen and I've learned to speak out for you, something I was bad at...I've always wanted to be better at that, thank you! We do our best to listen to you. Sometimes it takes mommy a few tries to figure it out but we eventually get there. I think this is a great sign into our future, I know you'll do so much more than expected. Your nurses are always commenting on how fast you learn. No one expected you to even eat. Everyone thought you'd need a G-tube because you wouldn't even know how to suck or swallow, let alone breathe and synchronize them all! You're rockin it!

You hate poopy diapers and you let us know right away if we've missed other signs. You're such a good boy that's all I can come up with about things you don't like regularly.

Your skin is soft and your peach fuzz too. Your rolls are so squishy and you're the cuddliest little baby I've ever held. I'm never going to want to share you with others. Your rolls are scrumptious. Your eyes are bright, but gray still. I don't know what color they'll be. Your lips are so kissable and your CHEEKS, gosh your cheeks. I kiss them all day, all night. You have a cute bubble butt. Aunt Lisa noticed that right out of the womb. I hope you like to snuggle more than Clara! She does a bit more now, but not enough. I think you will!

This is a picture of our first kiss. This is my screen saver on my phone. I remember this moment so clear. Everything was a fog after being awake for about 40 hours. This moment, will forever be thriving in my soul. This was before we knew anything was wrong, by that I mean your health. It was before I knew you had Down syndrome too. I want you to know I don't think that is something that is "wrong" with you. It's what makes you perfect, and perfect for me. I remember thanking God, your grandmas, everyone above who allowed for this miracle in my life. I had no worries, no fears in this moment, I still want to go back and rewrite it all. Maybe one day I won't feel that way. When you were so sick I'd click my phone "awake" all night, all day, so I could look at this picture. It would bring back the feeling I had in this moment, it would and still does calm me. Life was perfect. You are perfect. Soon after this picture was taken our lives spiraled out of control. I still don't have the grasp I'd like to have on our life, but I will, we will soon. Until you can live in my arms and under my lips again, know that when you're not there you're all I think about. You're always in my mind, when I'm not with you I'm thinking about you, dreaming about our future. Thank you for fighting so hard. Thank you for already teaching me so much about what is important in life, I have a strong feeling this is one of my million lessons you'll teach me in our lifetime together. I love you Everett Lang Feger, my Tiger, my Buddy, my sweet boy. You'll be home soon. Sweet dreams my love. Oh PS, do you notice Teddy in this picture? He is my perfect pillow and also a big comfort to me and I'm not afraid to admit that ever. My mom gave him to me for Christmas when I was four. He was my best friend when I was little and is a great companion, he can't wait to see you too! He has the softest feet that wipe my tears when I miss you at night.