This week has been the toughest for me, thinking about going back to work. I went into school on Thursday to touch base with the sub so I can start planning for next Tuesday. Yuck. The kids loved seeing Clara again and I got many emails from parents saying they/their kids were excited to have me back. That helped. We also went to visit Elisabeth, her Tues/Thurs babysitter to say hi and make sure everything was all set to go. Her daughter Altazara is ADORABLE, a blond little princess. She was very curious about Clara and all she came with and I think will enjoy her new companion. She is 2.5ish and as cute as can be. I felt a little better after going there because they have an entire room dedicated to watching Clara. They have a changing station, a little gym, a pack n' play, a swing, a chair...it is so sweet of her to prepare so much for Clara. Elisabeth puts me at ease, she is such a gentle, caring, loving, with it mommy!!
Lisa is teaching third grade this year and we have monthly gatherings at work. She offered to host for the third grade team at her house, usually everyone (everyone as in a small handful of people) goes to a local restaurant for happy hour. Clara and I went so everyone had a chance to hold her and see her. It was nice to have a few conversations with other moms at work who know what I'm feeling and relate.
Saturday morning we went down to see Dad and Al. They had Vigs and Mables over so we could see everyone. They had Christmas dinner that they never cooked since plans changed on them this year, it was delicious to have ham again. We stayed the night and left after breakfast Sunday. I was starting to feel the blues bad knowing I only had one more day.
Monday I cried a lot thinking about going back and being away from her...it was such a sad day. I tried to stay positive and be happy to be with her on my last day but I kept looking at her thinking about how I wouldn't be with her the following day, wondering what she would be doing, if she would he happy, worrying. I know how very lucky I am to have had this time with her, but it will never be enough. It was honestly the best time of my life so far. Andre has been amazing support, giving me lots of extra hugs and kisses knowing it won't be easy for me.
Clara is as happy as can be. The most content she's been. It eases my mind knowing we're finally at a point where she is in a great routine, she is very predictable which will hopefully make it easier on her babysitters. She is a very good natured girl unless she is too tuckered out. However, when she is, she goes to sleep on her own now. Sometimes she might like to have a few minute walk around to help her get cozy but she has been so easy lately we feel lucky. Teeth...stay away, I know you're going to throw us off track!
Clara cannot keep her hands out of her mouth. She shoves them in as far as she can, sometimes gagging herself. She is only pooping once a day if that, but it's such a blow out it comes out her diaper onto everything. She is very giggly while being changed like she thinks it's the funniest thing. She is sleeping without being swaddled and doing pretty well with it. Once in a while she will still rub her eyes until she wakes up and hit herself awake. I try to catch her while she is squirmy and swaddle her before she is too awake, if I can catch it she will last another hour or more. She is so funny these days, full of laughs. Clara's outfits are getting more and more fun. She has a fake pair of jeans and her butt looks so cute with the pockets. Almost all 3 month clothes are packed, some onesies still fit, that's about it. Stop getting so big my love, it's all happening too fast! Or should I call you one of daddy's new names for you: Sunny, short for Sunshine or Sunny Day.
Week 14:
It's here! I've been dreading this day since before she was born. Time to go back to work. I cried myself out of tears on Sunday and Monday so Tuesday when it came time to go back to work I had a tear or two left in the morning before leaving the house and that's it. Walking out the door was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Not because I don't trust her care takers, mainly because I want the job myself.
I feel slightly better about being away from her since I do love my job and feel I'm making a difference in 20 other kid's lives. Public school is going down the tubes fast however I still enjoy the few moments when I'm able to teach instead of test. I am thankful I looped with my class because I'm very dedicated to them and feel obligated to go back and finish the year. I've received many short, nice reminders that the student's parents sent me saying how glad they were I'm back. My students decorated the room with posters and cards. Lisa got me flowers and a balloon. It was a very warm welcome. One of my parents sent an email that really made my first day back better:
Good morning and welcome back!!
I know it has to be hard to leave little Miss Claire, regardless of who
is loving on her when you aren't there. Big Hug!!
I know Jarrod is so so so thrilled to have you back.
He really would like to get you're a present for Claire, he wanted to
get her some shoes for some reason. I wondered if you could tell me
what size she is wearing (shoes or clothes) so I can let him pick
something out for her this weekend. He said she is so adorable!! He was
talking about how her hair was up. It was really cute seeing how
tickled he was over seeing her.
Hope your day is wonderful and the kids are good to you and you get back
to Claire as soon as possible. I know that is where you heart is right
now and it is hard. But then there are people like you that come into
our lives and it makes is easier because you know they care so much for
your children and add value that we couldn't imagine....wow.. sorry.
Crying now going down memory lane.
Enjoy your day and I hope it is as Blessed as you are a Blessing to the
kids.
Take care, Davina
Everyone at work knows, even my boss seems to understand. (A male) My first day back went fast, my kids could tell I missed her, I got lots of extra hugs. What I love is that three of my boys in my class are most aware of my feelings and can read my mood and give me the biggest bear hugs ever. Most fourth grade boys don't still hug their teacher, especially real long tight ones. By lunch time I was ready to "be sick" and leave. I couldn't concentrate. All I could think about was if she was happy or if she needed me. Only I know her cries, only I know her routine, only I know what she likes best, how to be held, how to be put to sleep, what makes her laugh. She has been with me for 10 months in my belly and then 3 months in my arms, I've only been away 8 hours on New Years Eve...maybe that was my mistake. Maybe I should have practiced this. I can say now I'm glad I didn't, even if it would have made it easier on both of us, I'm glad I soaked up every second. I'm glad my house is dusty and things aren't how I keep them, that means I did my job and focused on her. I don't look at my time with her and wish I would have spent it any other way. I played with her, laid with her, napped with her, starred at her every moment I had. I put her down and let her learn to fall asleep on her own, then I'd pick her up while she was sleeping and rock her or lay with her on my chest...she didn't know she was with me since I'd put her back down before she woke up. I didn't want to hold her all day and night and do her and her sitters a disservice. She is very independent, she is able to fall asleep on her own and likes to play by herself for long periods of time, and most important, she is a happy baby. I feel I did the best I could to help her become ready for someone else's care.
I could tell by Wednesday morning I'd be able to manage my new life away from her, but I'd never like it. Teaching doesn't leave a second to think, I'm interacting with my students all day and when I'm not I'm in meetings, making copies, planning, grading, pumping or shoveling down my lunch in the five minutes I have to eat. The closer the weekend came the better my week went by Friday I was thrilled to start the weekend but already dreading Sunday night and even more, Monday morning. I have a feeling it will always be that way. Experienced moms I work with say they still feel that way and their kids are in high school and college. This is just my new normal.
Her first day with Elisabeth went great. She had a hard time napping but by the end of the week she did better with naps. On Wednesday she went to my friend Kate's sister-in-laws. She has a toddler, a daughter two weeks younger than Clara and she watches Kate's son Liam who is 1. Her husband is home most of the day with her. She and he are sometimes in and out taking turns throughout the day. It was a lot on her, she said it was manageable but if both babies ever got cranky at the same time it may not be so Andre is going to take Wednesdays off to be home with her and work on Saturday. This stinks for us since we love our weekends together, but we are both very happy to have her home with daddy! I know she will be too. Thursday she napped better for Elisabeth. Friday she was with Aunt Tiffy who also has Tyler 2.5 and Ivy 2.5 at home. They loved being with Clara and she loved having entertainment. Elisabeth had a great idea to have a journal emailed so we were all on the same page learning what's new with her and keeping up with her habits since everyone only saw her twice a week. That's so nice of them, and helpful for mama too! Both of them give me updates all day, I'm so lucky! Clara is very well taken care of and I have peace of mind knowing she is in such great hands.
Andre has taken on mornings. Clara stuck with an awesome schedule last week. She was out by 7 which is usual. Up again to eat around 12 or 1. Then back to sleep until 5 or 6. It would be awesome if she would make it through the night but we have yet to see that. I'll be happy with being up once...I know it could be WAY worse, keep up the good work Clara! I get up and pump when I hear her stirring and add some formula and cereal to fill her up. She has been drinking 6-8 ounces at her dinner feeding and midnight feeding. What a good girl! Trying to fill up for the night! When I hear her stir around 5 I get up and pump and give it to Andre and I get ready for work. Since I leave at three on the dot I don't have any time to get anything done in my classroom so now I have to get there early to be productive before school. If she isn't up yet I leave it for him and she will usually be ready by 6 latest. On Thursday this week she was wide awake after her morning feeding and she hung out with me while I got ready and daddy showered, it made my morning. On Friday morning she woke to eat and then daddy had to wake her to take her to Aunt Tiffany. She only eats 2-3 ounces in the morning and then by lunch she'll eat 3-4. When I show up to get her she is so happy to see me. Both mommies tell me nice things like she is so happy with me and more content when I'm there. Fills my heart! We race home so I can get her back in my arms. If we are leaving Elisabeth's house she usually falls asleep since it takes about 25 minutes to get home. She wakes right up and is usually hungry, so I pump and feed her and we nap together, she is usually quite tuckered out from her day away. This week I pretty much sat on the couch with her until bed time. Andre spoiled me rotten, getting dinner and serving me and allowing the dishes to wait as well as the rest of the house. He has done an awesome job with her in the morning, his days of sleeping until 7:30 are over. Daddy put Clara on her belly on the changing table and she loves belly time there. They have a great morning and he sends me lots of pictures.
A neat tid bit...Elisabeth speaks Spanish and has taught her daughter Spanish as her first language therefore Clara hears Spanish all day on Tuesday and Thursday. Andre promised me on our wedding day that he would teach our kid(s) Spanish. Hopefully I can pick it up too!
I'm only pumping now. I started pumping for the day before NY and now I'm pumping for nighttime feedings too so I know how much she is getting. If I don't she'll eat enough to keep her full for three hours so I decided to put an end to that so I could get more sleep...I mean so WE could get some more sleep! ;) It's much easier to judge when she should eat next when I know exactly how much she's eaten. She has started to hold her own bottle from time to time. It's so funny to see. She looks too little to be holding her own bottle, especially when she is eating from the big ones when she eats 6-8 ounces before bed.
She isn't doing too much brand new.She is now big and strong enough to be held on my hip, I don't do it often because I feel like I'm smooshing her belly but when I need a hand to grab something I might plop her there for a second. She is now sleeping without being swaddled. She loves holding her toys, pooping out her diaper, laughing at mommy and daddy, taking a bath, standing, playing with her new friends and cousin while mommy and daddy are at work, learning Spanish from daddy and Elisabeth, walking with mommy in her sling, belly time!, watch TV, lay in her crib looking at her mobile, and sit independently. It's easy to make her laugh when I stick my tongue out at her, when I give her raspberries on her belly, and when daddy kisses her hands. She won't hesitate to yell at us when she needs something, there's a lot less crying and more bossing! She is a little crazy lady that knows what she wants! She is a very happy camper and is very loved by her mommy and daddy.
All the pictures are WAY out of order. My computer froze...three times!!!!!!
Clara's cute butt in fake jeans.
Too cute.
Julie, Brandie and Diana from work, fighting over Clara.
Cozy with Mimi
Visit to dad & al's on Saturday
Hanging with Teddy while daddy gets ready for work in the morning.
Mama tuckered out with her girls after her first day of work.
Holding my own bottle, half asleep.
Clara was PASSED OUT face down after a long day with her new babysitter and friends!
I don't think she'd hear a bomb go off.
It got COLD this week!
My adorable outfit and cute chicky legs.
Kristopher's senior night! Way to go Kristopher!
Mama put shoes on my tiny feet!
My big foot for scale.
Andre and I have been loving her little butt. She peed on me in this picture.
I love bath time!
The three of us!
Daddy taking pictures of me to sent to mama to brighten her day!
Digging naked belly time!
A picture from far away to show how little I am. Teddy is still bigger!
Good Morning! Like my hair?
Chicky Legs.
Played so hard she fell asleep.
Funny girl!
Pictures from my first week with my babysitters!
Clara at Elisabeths (Tues/Thurs) with Altazara
Happy baby!
Beautiful Altazara
What a great playmate!
Wednesday babysitter, she'll be home with daddy now. Hopefully we can get together for a play date since this little cutie is only two weeks younger.
Aunt Tiffy's on Friday.
Being silly instead of eating.
Tyler and Ivy June Bug looking in on her. Tyler has talked about baby Clara since before she arrived and Ivy June prayed for her randomly at dinner. Clara has some great cousins to look after her. This weekend we went over to visit Isaac for his 6th birthday and give him his present. Tyler is so aware of Clara and is so sweet to her. He put her pacifier in when she was sitting with Aunt Tiffany. Tiffany explained she only needs it when she is upset. It was about 25 minutes later she fussed a minute and Tyler came out of nowhere saying, "Mommy, give her the pacifier." What a sweet sweet boy. Notice Ivy's pretty hair, Tiffany has 2 extra hands she hides from us all, I swear!
Belly time on Aunt Tiffy's adorable pregnant belly! Yay baby girl cousin, we're playing already!
Thank you Aunt Tiffany for making me so happy!
Pictures of my classroom:
There were signs and cards everywhere. The girls made to baby bedrooms decorated with their baby dolls toys. I even got cards from Mrs. Cotilla's kids. So nice.
Flowers and a balloon from my darling Lisa. Having her arms for a daily morning hug make it so much easier. I love you Lisa! Thank you.
Thank you also to all my friends and family who have been in touch sending me positive texts and voicemails. I avoided my phone for a couple days because I would just cry and I knew I had to just suck it up. I have the greatest support system, I'm so thankful. Brandi, thank you for the amazing package, you're too much! Start planning now so you can stay home with your precious little one...just kidding, if I can do it, you can too!
I got an email from a co-worker asking about leave forms and all the BS that is so confusing when you need to take time. I asked her how she was feeling, she is due in April. She filled me in that her baby boy Isaac only has half of his heart formed. At first they thought they would need a transplant when he was born, now they are thinking it's developed enough to have three open heart surgeries, the first one before he is two weeks old. I have chills all over my body each time I think about her and him and what she must be feeling. The worry she must deal with day in and out. That is stress. That is something to fear. I stopped throwing myself a pity party for missing Clara. Her situation put things in perspective for me. Prayers for her and her little one.
I love you Clara. I'm so glad you are a healthy, happy baby. I couldn't ask for more.
Not the best video but cute for mommy to look back on. I covered the speaker for part in the middle and I took it the wrong way. ha. Oh well, I still love to hear her.
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