I haven't a clue where two years have gone. I have no idea where to begin with this update. You are my everything. You make my life so full and complete. You make me proud and happy. Each day you bring something new to my life that I didn't know was possible.
Two years (and two more hours) from right now, I went into labor. I was so scared and so excited all at once. My water broke when daddy and I got into bed after Gabby was crowned home coming queen. It was a great night, a long labor, and a perfect ending. If I could go back and start all over I would, I miss you as a tiny baby with a full head of dark hair. Every day that goes by I miss the previous version of you. I soak you in all day and tell my brain not to forget one little thing about this special time in my life.
A "bit" about you these days:
You love your family, hard. You show us all the time just how much we mean to you. You do not exclude or favor any one of us. Once in a while you'll want me more, or dada more, but you do it evenly. You want all parties involved in anything you do, even if it's just a walk across the house -- "Mama come too, brother come too, dada come too, Nunu come too!" You've adjusted to life with a brother and sharing attention very well, it's rare that there's an issue. You love your brother SO very much. You get excited every. single. time. he. wakes. Which is a lot. "BROTHER'S AWAKE!" Every, time. You kiss him and hug him and ask him to come play or color with you, whatever you're doing you invite him along. I love how your little fingers caress his head when you say, "Hi Buba, Sissy loves you." I tell you that he can't wait to do those things with you. You ask to hold him often and you squeeze and hold him tight, I let you, he's okay with it. He watches everything you do and everywhere you go, you entertain him well. Your shirts don't lie, you're really the best big sister. I couldn't be more proud of you. I didn't imagine you this way, I thought you might get mad at him, when I had to give him attention, but you don't. When you ask for me to do something and I explain to you that brother is sad, or hungry and needs my attention and I'll do whatever it is you're asking after...you always agree and want brother to be happy. If he makes a peep you come find me and say, "Brother cryin' or brother talkin'" and if I don't attend to his needs fast enough you get after me.You throw away diapers, hand me bottles, get me his toys, you're the perfect big sister. "Brother loves you..." is what you say to yourself since that's what I tell you since that's what he tells me.
Your eating habits, ugh, your eating habits. You're now picky. You're in a better phase right now but that'll end tomorrow since I just typed that. You're spitting foods out after the texture changes in your mouth and you get weird about it, or that's what I think. We've trained you to spit it on your plate or in a napkin like we've asked you. I keep telling myself you'll stop but this has been going on for about two months now. You go through phases when you like pouches, smoothies, and everything else. We "make" you try as much as we can and you usually will try things but we get a lot of, "No thAnk you!"
You go to bed between 7 and 8. We'd prefer you in bed by 7 but it's hard to do with dinner and your bedtime routine which consists of, a lot. We pick up first, then you drink a cup of milk while we get your pj's on and if you cleaned up well then you get to watch a show for 10 or 15 minutes while we get you ready and brush your teeth. Then dada takes you into your room to read books and watch some of your favorite nursery rhymes on his phone. You're obsessed with many books but we need more, they're getting old, for us all. You love watching, "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Baby Beluga", "The Wheels on the Bus", "ABC's" and many more. You're not falling asleep well these days, it takes you an hour, sometimes TWO to get to sleep. You play with Nunu and talk with him in bed, we listen to your conversations often, you're silly. Sometimes you get sad and you say, "Mamadada home soon, brother home soon." Sometimes I swear you still get anxiety from when we were always going to the hospital. When I can tell you're struggling too much I go in and rock you and sing to you. Those moments I'm in my glory. I stare at your beautiful face falling asleep and even rock you well after you fall asleep just so I can stare at your face. You're so big on me, getting so long, I never want you to be too big to rock to sleep. I want to freeze this time in our lives and live in it for much longer. I know I spend time taking pictures, blogging and reflecting about our life but I want you to know I spend a lot of time making sure I absorb those moments where I just get to stare at you, or play with you and I look extra hard and extra long taking it all in, knowing what I have in this life couldn't be more perfect. Yeah little girl, that's what you do for me, you make my life perfect. I'll never get sick of staring at you, especially while you're asleep in my arms so peaceful. I look so forward to the day you crawl into bed with me to snuggle all night long.
You're very excitable. We can bribe you when necessary. You understand everything which is good and bad. We can't have anything on TV that you might pick up. When I'm talking with Dada and you're playing, you'll repeat something I say or imitate me when I don't even think you're listening. You pick up on everything. Thankfully it's been nothing bad, the first time I noticed it, it wasn't a big deal but we have to watch what we say since you're always listening. Sometimes I have to get on Dada for his mouth, he swears when he's joking around and I know you hear it. Thankfully you haven't repeated any of it yet. When we talk about going to see someone, or someone coming, or doing something fun you get so excited and stay excited until it happens. This is good and bad since if we tell you we're going to do something, you don't forget, even if it's after your nap or overnight, so we have to follow through. However, when we can't do something we've talked about we explain to you we can't, if it's raining or something and you understand and have yet to get upset about it. I love your excitement, I feel like a kid again when I see it in you. Gosh I miss those days.
You sing and dance all the time. Never on command. You do nothing on command, just for spite. If I see you do or say something, like singing your ABC's and I ask you to repeat it for Dada, you won't. You will only do things when you want to. You refuse to smile for the camera. I will show you your face and how miserable you look, sometimes you care but most of the time your scowl makes you glad. You know how you want to play with your toys and read your books and when anyone tries to show you something or have you try something new you want to stick with what you have in mind. You're silly and you know it, you like to be. You watch yourself in the mirror, you even like to watch yourself cry, you little actress. You recently started throwing tantrums. For some crazy reason I thought we skipped that horrible stage. I thought those stemmed from not being able to communicate and since you talk so well I thought we were going to zip right by. Nada. Tantrums are for all toddlers, even those who talk. You don't do it often thankfully, but recently you will have a mini melt down when something isn't going your way. Thankfully they've been short and sweet. You had one in the library the other day. I'm not embarrassed, I figure I'm just one of the many mommies dealing with it. You were mad since I wouldn't let you climb the slide since you do it at home. I would have honestly since the library was dead (they have an indoor play section), however, another little one came along and I didn't want you teaching him any bad habits. Since you had done it once I guess you were thinking you were in the clear. When I stopped you, you started saying, "No, no, no, no..." and went limp when I was picking you off the slide. I put you in your stroller. You got quiet. We walked away from the fun and had a chat. I explained you couldn't climb up the slide, that even though you do it well, it's not safe and against the rules. I told you if you did it again we'd have to go home. You said okay. I asked you to say you were sorry for throwing a tantrum and you did. The rest of our stay at the library was great. At least you learn from your lesson. I'm waiting for you to test me and I'll have to actually do what I say and leave, but I'm thinking you won't since I believe you know I will.
You are cautious but brave. You like me to help you with a lot of things still but will do very daring things and like to walk the line of danger in the pool, when daddy throws you or swings you "upseedown". You're very into climbing and you are getting more and more confident and want less help. The times you ask for help you're pretty much being lazy and want me to do things for you. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I know the days of you needing me will be limited so I do enjoy it to a degree. However, if you're pushing the envelope and trying to make me your personal slave I cut you off. You get mad and say, "No, mama turn" (to pick up your toys) and I tell you no, that you took them out to play with them so you need to clean them up. Then I show you how I got something out of mine and I put it away and that I'm not asking you to clean up my messes. You finally cave.
Things you're learning:
-Going potty - some days you go lots and some just a couple times. You even tell me in public now.
-Counting on your fingers - you get to about three before you get off track - you do it more accurate in Spanish since you count aloud slower
-Counting objects accurately
-Drawing "pictures" instead of scribbles - you're a pro at asking someone to color and letting them do all the work while you watch. I like that you watch but want you to partake too sometimes
-How to pull up pants, take off shoes, hop over lines, jump bigger and off higher things
-Reading picture card words - I have flash cards that when you put them together they make a picture and then we read the letters we see
-ABC's - you almost have them
-Singing along with a song, you're doing it well now with many of your favorites
-number and letter recognition
-spelling your name aloud
Things you love:
-helping - you get me things and throw things away, brothers diapers! ;)
-crawling like a cat to bed
-wearing a "ballerina" dress - everything you can twirl in is a ballerina dress to you
-cars, trucks, trains, buses, and hot wheels
-Coloring, play-doh, reading, playing with toys especially your farmer, playing with your doll house and make-believe, hide and seek, going on safari hunts with Aunt Rissa, when dada comes home
-Your Halloween CD from Nancy, watching lullabies on dada's phone before bed "Itsy spider climbs up again" is your first request then baby beluga, "talking" on the phone with grandpa, going on "trips" - we pack a bag and go on adventures
-TV shows: Team Umi Zoomy, Little Einsteins, Dora, Dr. McStuffins, Bubble Guppies
-Nunu of course - your farm animals are next in line along with the tractor, bubble guppy bus, and "Umi" car you have.
-You love going to soccer to see your cousins and play, you love playing with friends, Ajae
-Being outside at your water table, swimming, sliding, being pushed on your car, walks, you could wander around and be outside on your own for hours
-to manipulate your dada with hugs and reading books on your own or telling him you have to go potty so it takes longer to get to bed. As much as I want to tell him you're tricking him, I love that he can't put his foot down, I love how much he loves to see you happy and spend time with you at night, your daddy loves you so so much. He's so obsessed with you and your brother.
Things you despise:
-brushing your teeth
-going to sleep - we bribe you with books which works well. If you go to bed without a fight we read books before bed and if dada is tucking you in, he even lets you watch a few nursery rhymes on his phone
-having your diaper changed, you want to keep on keeping on...you are more apt to go on the potty these days since it's faster
-taking pictures
There's so much more I want to say, I know I'm going to get annoyed that I've forgotten things I'll think of when I'm feeding your brother at 1am. I know I'm excessive, but it's so neat to look back and read past posts and remember what you were doing, saying and what you looked like. I'll love this diary of your life forever.
When you made me a mommy you gave me my most favorite job in the world. I'll never be more proud of anything in my entire life. You make my life rich. You make me so happy. As much as I want to freeze in time right here I cannot wait to see what you become and enjoy life with you as you grow. I look forward to the day you are old enough to do crafts with me like my mom did, go on trips (not just ones in the back yard, although I LOVE those), do your homework with you and teach you more, learn with you, learn from you, help others together, make the world a better place...that's something I know you'll do.
When my mommy was dying, she told me she thought I'd be a great worker where she got her chemo treatments. She said the ladies there always made her day better, they were always smiling and cheerful. She said she thought I'd be able to uplift others like that, bringing joy to those struggling and fighting for their lives. I don't think I could do the needles, but I could work at the desk, and I'd be happy to try and bring joy to anyone who needed it. It made me proud of myself to think she thought that highly of me and my attitude. Although I love teaching, I've always thought about her comment and what else I could do in my life to make this life a better, happier place, for those around me. I hope I can uplift you, Clara Beara. I hope I bring you joy for your entire life, in good times and in hard times. I know you will do the same. I know I have a lot of my mom in me, even though she only impacted my life for 13 short years. I know how highly others thought of her and how good she was...I hope I can pass on to you all she gave me. I miss her so much on days like today. She'd be proud of me and proud of you.
You're very loved little girl. You are my sunshine.
Happy Birthday.
Mama (Ugh, mommy now I guess. Or Barbie, since that's what you called me the other day. Silly Clara! ;)
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